Planning and planting an orchard doesn't need to be hard. All you need is someone to spend an unfeasibly long time choosing a selection of trees designed to give you fruit for most of the year. And then plant them for you.
Which is where Her Outdoors comes in (and even helps me write the post so I can get away with doing even less).
Without lots of technical detail (pollinating partners etc), this is the orchard now putting its roots down in ecovallee:
o Cherries - a Burlat and a Geant d'Hedelfingen - both sweet eating cherries that will fruit in May-June
o Peaches - one white and one yellow, to fruit in July-August (assuming current weather patterns)
o Plums (this is news to me) - a Reine-Claude d'Oullins and a Reine-Claude Violette (good luck finding these in B&Q) - fruiting in August-September
o Pears - a William Rouge and a Doyenne du Comice (apparently the pear of all pears) - fruiting August & October
o Apples - a Cox's Orange Pippin (October), a Belle de Boskoop (December-February) and a Reinette de Brive (January-March but will store until May, when the cherries start)
Even with three-year-old trees, you'll also need to wait two years (TWO YEARS!) before you can put your fruit on your table (if you're going to paint it) or in your stomach. It's a long-term project.
Not too long term, though. The trees will need replacing in 20-60 years. By which time Her Outdoors may need a little help. Any volunteers?